i am learning, little by little,
that my body is stronger
than the mountains that tried
to break me down into rubble.
that my heart is tougher
than the trees rooting around it
and wrapping far too tight.
i am learning, slowly learning,
that i am worth more to myself
alive and bright, then i am worth
to the world when it tries
to bury me underground.
i am worth the sunshine,
i am worth the rains,
i am worth the treetops,
i am worth all the pain.
the world is too wild for me,
my body cannot carry
so many forests on my back.
the waves have been creeping up
past my ankles to my thighs.
i feel my hands turning into rolling hills,
my skin slowly giving way
to grains of sand.
wild animals are nesting
in my hair and my mouth.
my eyes have become nothing
but a reflection of the sky.
and i tried to fight it, tried not to let
the wilderness take over
my body and soul
but she is tricky, lures you
in with sunsets and sun rays through
the treetops and summer breezes,
but then she will swallow you alive.
my body belongs to her,
my stomach is fields of grass
and wildflowers sprouting up.
my back tall with jack-pines and oak trees,
my knees made of boulders
holding me down.
my sand-skin glimmers in the sunlight
before the waves come in
to take away my breath, at last.
all my friends are flightless,
all my friends are fair-weather.
they can only stay
one season at a time.
they disappear with spring rains
and fall’s abundant colours.
all my friends are broken-hearted,
searching for something in mine.
all my friends live six feet under,
singing their songs from underground.
all my friends are broken-winged thunderbirds,
all my of friends were never found.
i tend to forget that
things will take some time
cycles around the sun
do not happen quickly
yes, the moon may change tides but
she moves slow and deliberately
and i know they say that
rome was not built in one day
but my heart has been
sitting open for so damn long
and i know that it will
someday lead you home
and if not today, well,
we have so much time
i know that you will be here
today’s word is: transform.
nothing is the same and
nothing is different.
it moves and grows
and changes and morphs.
we are a thousand things
when we wake up in the morning,
and shall be a thousand more
before we lay our heads to rest.
i wonder about a lot of things, recently.
like how the colours can burn from your
fingers to the apples of my cheeks,
spreading redness like raspberry jam across me
tasting just as sweet and lingering on your tongue.
i wonder about how many gardens i shall grow
over the course of my life,
how many blooms i shall bring to the world.
how many rivers will try to drown me as i paddle by,
how many canyons long to know my body spread out
across their rocky floors.
i wonder about how many lovers i can wrap my arms
around, how many men will stay till the morning light,
how many women will kiss me at stoplights and taste me
like all i ever was was a delicacy on their lips. i wonder
how few people will truly stay.
i wonder about how long it takes for someone to forget
they knew my name, how many summers will pass
before i am burned out like wildfires roaring across the plains
i wonder how long it will take me to be reborn like the
forests, to spring back, brighter and taller and more
beautiful than ever. i wonder, i wonder, i wonder.
i will write you
a love letter,
i will write you
a breakup text.
i will carve our initials
into the redwood trees
i will burn the forests
to hide your name.
i will compose you
i will carve out
our ears so you
can never remember
i will paint my body
in your colours and hues;
i will slip away
as you sleep.